The mostly humorous ramblings of my day to day existence.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Firkroy is Too Firken Hot!

I'm melting, I'm melting”, that's not the wicked witch of the north being hit by a bucket of water, but my face acting like a Snickers bar left outside in the sun.
It's 9PM and 91 degrees Fahrenheit outside. You can normally get away without air conditioning in western Oregon, but there are a few weeks when it's just too hot. I wouldn't care if it would cool down at night, but when the heat persists then it's just too hot.
I had an air conditioner mounted in our bedroom window before I demolished the old wall, and did a window replacement, I was reluctant about reinstalling the air conditioner because it would look crappy hanging out of the new window, but at the moment I would go for the crappy look to be a bit cooler.
I resorted to standing in the sprinkler in the middle of the backyard, and then tried to make snow cones with a Snoopy snow cone maker. I'm convinced that the Snoopy snow cone maker was developed in Siberia, and used in Gulags to re-educated wayward commie children. However today, the things are mainly an American parent torture machine. Children try to turn the crank that change ice cubes into snow, but then start crying about how hard it is, and how it hurts their fingers. The parents say “nonsense,” and start cranking, not wanting to let on about how big a mistake it was to get the stupid thing, or how much it hurts. They just keep cranking out snow cones, vowing to pay a visit to the head office of the manufacturer to give them “a piece of my mind!” Luckely for them, they're in China.
School will be staring soon, and I found myself walking around at Office Max looking at school supplies for my kids, just so I could enjoy their air conditioning. I found spiral notebooks for 1 cent on sale, and I had a nice conversation about HP, and Apple with one of the young sales guys. I always enjoy knowing more about the companies that manufacture the products they sell than they do. Some people follow college football, and others movie stars; I follow what technology companies do as one of my unexplained obsessions, we all have them, what can you do.
OK, today I got a treat, one of things on my to-do list was to performed open case surgery on another dead laptop courtesy of the infamous “Curtis the Cord Yanker.” It was a delicate operation, the patient's life signs were weak, but after about an hour and a half of working with a soldering iron, hot melt gun, Philips screwdriver, and with sweat pouring from my forehead (did I mention that it's hot) the patient woke up. Then there was the extensive physical therapy conducted with anti-malware software, the purge of worthless programs, and the removal of the vast array of tool bars installed in the web browser by the aforementioned sneaky worthless programs.
It's now one mean looking laptop, with its missing front tooth, eye patch, and scars covering its case. All it needs now is a peg leg, and a parrot, and it could be a pirate laptop. Nobody will mistake this computer for a My Little Pony sissy laptop.
Oh how I love laptop surgery, getting that “It's Alive! BWAHAHA!” Dr. Frankenstein experience is quite a rush.
Oh and speaking of Pirates, I spent last evening watching an Eugene Emeralds baseball game at the (courtesy of the founder of Nike, Phil Knight) University of Oregon baseball stadium. The Emeralds are our class A farm baseball team, and I don't go to many of their games, and was perplexed as to why the Pittsburgh Pirates Parrot was running around grabbing player's butts as they bent over to stretch while warming up to play. Apparently he flies around to other baseball games in the country in his spare time to play garb ass... I guess I'll never quite understand baseball.
So if you Pittsburgh folks wonder what happened to your parrot, don't worry he's sweating in Eugene Oregon, and eating all of our crackers.

No comments:

Post a Comment