The mostly humorous ramblings of my day to day existence.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Curse you Monday!

I sat down to write, and my head was empty, I blame it on Monday.
If someone had looked inside my head this morning they would have seen nothing, nada, not a damn thing. A Swiss guy appeared out of nowhere with a funny hat and yelled into my head Ricolaaaaa!
Did one of Austin Power’s villains steal my mojo last night while I was sleeping? I don’t remember pissing off Doctor Evil. I may as well go about my morning routine.
I heard my wife in the background “You drank ALL of the coffee!? Oink oink.”
This is really shaping up to be one of those Mondays, I vaguely remember drinking some coffee, but still felt like I needed more.
“Don’t worry I’m making more coffee” I say while getting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
I guess I shouldn’t have stayed up so late. Did I really need to lose sleep by shooting up space ships controlled by pimple faced kids online? Well yes, yes I did, those punks needed a good stomping, and maybe some direction, and I was the guy to give it to them.
I like to play online space games, not the ones that require that you to give them your credit card number, but the ones that are free. Playing online games is actually a mandatory requirement if you put on the computer nerd badge; they revoke your membership card if you don’t play at least 3 times per week.
The online gaming world is a colorful place, wherein nobody speaks in real English or writes a real sentence. Well yes, there are the Brazilians and guys from France that attempt English but mainly I’m talking about the punks who say “wut, ur a noob, I’m so high”… “I’m so drunk” is also popular.
You can usually tell the age of your combatant by their smack talk. The Noob callers are under 18, the stoners are usually 18-30, and the ones using complete sentences are geezers.
When stoners proclaim their status as “High” I usually say something like “So how high up are you? I hope you don’t fall, the ground looks pretty hard, and I’m not going to clean up the mess!”
This usually gets a “LOL” from a geezer or a non-high/drunk player, and a “STFU” from the stoned one I was typing to. I’m a bit of a ham bone and live for LOLs; anyone who attempts to be funny loves LOLs. The last thing you want to be doing is tapping the microphone and saying “Hello, is this thing on?” tap tap tap.
Talking with people online is not considered really talking with people but it’s one of the only places I know of where people with differing views can really talk, or beat each other to a verbal pulp. It’s the wild wild west, and you end up chatting with people that you would normally never have the opportunity to chat with.
And today as per my morning routine I decide to take a look at what’s going on at Blog Catalog.
“Humm, what do we have for topics of discussion today?” I wonder while clicking the mouse.
Cell phone loud mouths, adult diapers, cats on a treadmill, and the old atheist versus the god-fearing topics of many. The God vs Godless topics usually start out with a confrontational line that everyone knows will provoke a fight. I click on the topic “Church and State” and get my eyebrows burned off; I was kind of fond of my eyebrows. You’re guaranteed to see a lot of teeth flying and kicks to the nards If you like reading those these knock down drag outs.
Next on my morning routine list is to check my blog statistics. Not too bad, readership is up! I need to check my AdSense account. Yep, they added 16 cents last month. $16.32 since 2005, wow that account is SMOKEN! The cash out point is a hundred bucks so in (does math in head, carry the five) 30 more years (adjusts for inflation) I’ll be able to buy a big pack of gum! Of course I’ll be using a walker and calling people Whipper Snappers while I’m chewing on my hard earned Bubblicious with false teeth.
I hear my wife sweetly ask me “Will you please help the creepy Swiss man out of our house, he’s drinking all of the coffee.”
“So that’s where the coffee went!” I think to myself.
I stretch my arms and yawn, now what should I write about today?

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