It's Just Another Rainy Day

This morning when I dunked a bag of Irish Breakfast tea, together with a bag of Pomegranate Green into the same cup, I wondered to myself “do you think this combo might make my cup explode?” Then I pushed the thought out of my head. It's a dreary rainy day that would make even the Walmart happy face cry. The tea packed a nice punch, but needed some honey.

I spent the morning getting the kids off to school, running to the grocery store, then made nachos for lunch with the wife. We enjoyed them while watching an episode of Scrubs on Netflix. I'm sure I spotted a periscope in the lake in my driveway, I would have suspected the Russians but the Cold War has been over for years. I think the squirrels have gone high tech and are simply going after the nuts that are buried somewhere under the water.

In my local newspaper (The Register Guard) there is an article about two young activists who are suing the governor of Oregon for “violating his duty to uphold the public trust and protect the state from impacts of climate change.” Yes, I too wish the governor would get on that big bubble dome he promised for the state. It would protect us from climate change, intercontinental ballistic missiles, and speeches spewing from the mouth of Newt Gingrich. While our two young friends are at it could they also sue Newt for making millions of people vomit. It's just a thought.

In other news an 82 year old bush pilot from Willow Alaska was being chased by an agitated moose when he was saved by his 85 year old wife who hit the beast in the head with a shovel a few times. Grandmas are tough as nails in Willow. I wonder if they make moose strength Tylenol?

Another granny in Connellsville Pennsylvania said a bearded stranger in a pointy hat gave her the seeds to the four-foot tall Marijuana plants growing next to her tomatoes in her back yard. She just wanted something pretty to accent them. Sheesh, let the old lady have her pot plants for gods sake. And speaking of pot, The New York times reported that the reason that Australians are so laid back is because they consume more marijuana than anywhere else on the planet. Intoxicants -the article states- are at the center of most social life in Australia. I guess down under really means down under the table.

To tell you quite honestly this is the news that I enjoy reading in my local newspaper. The rest of the news is just too grim. The news is full of megalomaniacs trying to further themselves in the public eye, and the side affects of their destructive sociopathic ways. The people in charge of us -for the most part- want to have it all, and spend most of their time working to convince the rest of us how they deserve to have it all. Most of us want to live our lives in some sort of peaceful manor while being able to feed and cloth ourselves; but for a few, that's simply not good enough. They call their troop to war! “Our enemies are your enemies” they say. “If you're not with us then you're against us” they proclaim. “Greed is good” is printed on their flag.

I tire of those greedy bastards, and it's a rainy day.

Let’s Stick It To The Man!

I’m talking about the villains, the ones that are stealing from all of us. I stab them in the heart with my pen! Young children and old men with weak tickers are advised to read no further.

"That's all I can stands, cuz I can't stands n'more!" said Popeye the sailor before opening a can of spinach using his pipe as a blow torch, then munching down the contents in one gulp. Today I’m torching open a can, eating my spinach, and delivering a well deserved thrashing to lowlifes in need of serious wedgie time.

Top of the list are Lobbyists, these useless, lower than worm dirt leaches on society are the source of most things evil. Like molesters with candy, lurking around the playground, these tools of the corporate world pay visits around Washington. With pockets bulging with cash they search for someone to bribe. They ask for tax breaks with their money, they bribe, and you pay! Instead of your money going for new bridges, or Forest Rangers, it’s given away as corporate welfare to undeserving fat cats, and it’s all legal!

“Scummy Lobbyists, I stab thee with my pen!”

Next up, are the politicians that take the bribe money from the lobbyists. The money grabbing game wouldn’t even be happening if this bunch of crooks hadn’t made it legal in the first place. Egotistical to the core, these slime bags are co-conspirators in the money dance with lobbyists. Sure, there may be a few good ones out there, but most are self serving scum! It doesn’t matter what happens to you as long as they get their big buck payday from the lobbyists. The worst of the bunch become lobbyists themselves!

I think I’m going to hurl!

But Wait! Glug, Glug, Glug. Thank you pink stuff from the plastic bottle!

“In the heart! Slimy self serving bastards!”

Let’s not forget the Health care Insurance companies; there is a special level of hell waiting for the purveyors from these institutions of greed. They will steal from you every chance they get, and they couldn’t care less if you fall over dead.

Insure my house, yes!

Insure my car, yes!

But insure my body? What am I a Volvo?

The risk to some faceless shareholder should NOT be a consideration if I need to see a doctor! Today in the U.S. if you are not old enough to get Medicare, and aren’t covered by a job, then you are just screwed. This model blows; we should have a single payer system period! We can work out the details for a single payer system, but basically we all pay in, and we all benefit by getting the basic necessities that we need.

Am I talking about getting things like getting bigger boobs? Well no, bigger boobs are nice, but it usually won’t kill you to not to have them. But, it will kill you if you can’t see a doctor for some easily cured ailment!

“Your days are numbered Health Insurance Bandits!”

Mr. T will be giving all of the above a visit, and it’s WEDGIE TIME!

“I pity the fool who crosses Firkroy!” Mr. T will say, as he hangs you by your Fruit of the Looms on the nearest lamp post. Graffiti artists will have full creative license to pretty you up while you hang there, cockroach or evil clown would be my recommendation.

Last on my list of thieves is a water robber, the Low-Flow Toilet!

Who devised this ridiculous potty stool, a plunger company!?

The concept is fine; to save water you use less of it when you flush. BUT, YOU DON”T SAVE WATER IF IT TAKES THREE FLUSHES!

How does Mr. T give a toilet a wedge? I just don’t know.

“Damn you! Low-Flow Toilet son of bitches!”