Firkroy is Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive!

Firkroy is hitting the path, and getting things moving.

Part of the “Keeping me alive program,” along with eating bowls of oatmeal in the morning, and not eating big chunks of cow, is bike riding. With the kids in school, I now have more flexibility with my time during the day. I ride my bike with my older son to his school, and then continue on for a thirteen mile trip along the Willamette river, on the bike paths of Eugene.

It's a pleasant ride along the river, groups of elderly people can be seen walking along the path, as well as bike commuters, hobos, and falling leaves. There are also people selling hand made jewelry laid out on blankets in the grass as I ride by, community gardens, parks, and that big “O” on Autzen stadium. I slow down as I go through the delta ponds, a small wildlife refuge with Western Pond Turtles that like to sit atop logs, beached on little islands in the middle of the water. There's also a beaver dam with ducks bobbing up and down trying to get at whatever is beneath the ripples. The Oregon State Beavers and Oregon Ducks may have a contentious rivalry on the gridiron, but in this pond beavers and ducks are in harmony.

I have a Fuji cross bike that I've had for several years, and I've made a few modifications to it. I've added fenders, changed the peddles, and replace the seat post. All in the name of making my bike fit me just a little bit better. My wife gave me a pair of black mountain bike pants, and later, a matching black long sleeve bicycle shirt. Mountain bike pant look more like regular shorts than Tour de Pants bicycle pants, which is good because I'm not ready to look like a ballet dancer wearing tights. I look a little more like Darth Vader, and if I added a cape and helmet, I could practice using “The Force” as I'm riding along. I could pick up and move whole groups of strolling old ladies out of the way, or I could part clouds of hobo cigarette smoke like the Red Sea, with a wave of my hand. Oh so many possibilities, but alas I can only use “The Force” for good.

Other bike paths in the area have less traffic, and you can find big packs of the Tour de Pants riders clad in their colorful advertisement laden bicycle gear. Just don't get in their way, they would rather run over babies than break formation. They're getting in shape for the Tour de France so watch out... Most won't even make the Tour de Springfield, but I suppose they can have their fantasy.

Upon arriving at home after my commune with two wheels and nature, It's time to go to work. I've ramped up my eBay sales, and like a Ferengi searching for a profit, I've been sniffing around for things for sale that I can pick up cheap, and then resell on eBay or Craigslist. Sales as a profession is hard to do correctly, but the challenge can be rewarding. But, selling to some of the people on eBay is anything but rewarding; some of them are real pieces of work. I've had a few people who didn't pay after winning my auctions, and I've had to go through the process of getting my selling fees back from eBay on more than one occasion, after buyers renege on their end of a deal. About six years ago I had one individual click on a “Buy it” button on a Vespa like scooter I was selling, he then turned around and give me negative feedback because he was confused by how the system worked. I had a not so pleasant conversation on the phone with this Ding Dong, and it wasn't pretty. As a result, I try and avoid selling anything a dumb person might want. I have a low tolerance for financial dealing with idiots; if only someone would invent the IQ filter. Craigslist is a little better, but sometimes I ignore email replies that I know are from people that I don't want to deal with, or Spammers.

And we all know what we would do to Spammers if we could just get our hands on them around here, “spit.”

Here lately, I've been getting the itch to throw some pots; I'm a potter amongst other things, and the kids have reeked havoc on the dishes that I made years ago. But first I have a bedroom to add for my oldest son, and more house painting to do. I've forgotten what boredom feels like a long time ago, and I have a feeling It may have something to do with that little voice in the back of my head, coming from my spouse with her honey do list in one hand, and a cattle prod in the other. But it's just a hunch.

The zucchini that I purchased last week was made into zucchini bread! Oh the splendid aroma of zucchini bread, with a chunk of melting butter running all over it. “Mmmmmmm.” Oh, if only I had more zucchini, then maybe we could make more of that wonderful nutty bread.

But Wait! Maybe Daryl from from across the street has more zucchini he wants to unload...

Run run run, “Knock Knock Knock,” on Daryl's door.

“Anyone home? Yooouuu Hoooooo!”

“I'll help you with more of those zucchini Daryl!”

“Buddy?”

“I see you hiding behind that curtain!”

“Open up! I need more zucchini!”

“KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!”

“Come on, be a pal!... Buddy?...”

A Travel Guide to Lane County Oregon

Come for the beauty, stay for a great time, but bring lots of cash!

Lane County Oregon USA stretching from the Pacific Ocean, to the snow capped Cascade Mountains, a forested wonderland at the southern end of the Willamette Valley.

One of Lane County’s main attractions is the city of Springfield. Springfield has beautiful parks to stroll through like the Dorris Ranch Living History Filbert Farm, fine art displayed at the Emerald Art Center, and fun for everyone at the Splash water park; it’s a model city to raise a family. It’s also affectionately called Springtucky by some of its snootier neighbors in nearby Eugene; Springfield was recently honored by Parade magazine as having more strip clubs per capita than any other place in the United States! Many Springfield residents dispute this dubious honor but if you have a roll of one dollar bills burning a hole in your pocket, you’re guaranteed to have a good time in Springfield.

Eugene otherwise known as Track Town USA is the largest city in Lane County and Eugene was the location of the 2008 US Olympic trials. Eugene is home to the University of Oregon which has gained notoriety as a sports university. Truck loads of cash are dumped into the bank accounts of its athletic department every year by Phil Night co-founder and chairman of Nike. Phil graduated from the UofO in 1959 and is one of the richest people on earth. Phil has made sure that beer swilling drunks can watch football in a state of the art stadium that even some NFL teams might envy. He also built a new basketball arena, a glass cathedral for student athletes to study in, and a new law school. You can’t park anywhere close to any of these building because they were built on former parking lots. But if you have a good pair of Nikes you can jog a mini marathon from parking garages located in downtown Eugene to these illustrious facilities.

Lane County has interesting politics; recently we had a man name Art Robinson run for office as a US congressman for our district. Professor Robinson hawks his home-school curriculum for $195 and up and calls public education “socialism in education” he also states “public schools should be abolished,” calling them “nationalized child-abuse.”  No conflict of interest there. Robinson is a self proclaimed expert on nuclear waste and stated “that a little nuclear radiation is good for you,” he also states “the best place for that waste is in the concrete foundations and insulation of homes and buildings.”Another way of dealing with nuclear waste, Mr. Robinson says is "If radioactive waste were dissolved as water soluble compounds and then widely dispersed in the oceans, no health or other environmental risks would ever occur." I think his next set of bumper sticker should read “Hi I’m Art Robison and I’m no loon!” He could also have his slogan printed on billboards, and Facebook advertisements like the ones that were in our faces everywhere for months. Art’s buddies from out of state paid for all of those ads but if you ask Art where he got all of that money he won’t answer instead he will ask you “How should I know where all of the money comes from?” Lane county politics are just good wholesome fun.

Lane County is a magnet for affluent liberal minded folks. You can spot them wearing socks with sandals, driving a Toyota Prius with a bumper sticker that reads “I’m more energy conscious than thou art,” and grabbing an organic espresso at a local coffee hut. They buy their high end (made in China) camping and hiking gear at REI so they can hike the wildness in search of people stepping on a wild flower, so they can scold them. They go nutty once a year with the hippy folks at the Oregon Country Fair outside of Veneta. Their women won’t go topless and paint their boobs like some of the fair goers, but they will express their approval of the freedom to paint boobs. I personally love the Oregon Country Fair, it’s a great place to watch a live performance, get some fantastic pottery, and enjoy a burrito. The people are very friendly, and everyone has a good time.

In Lane County you can go to the mountains to ski in the morning, and then have Clam Chowder at Mo’s by the Pacific Ocean in Florence in the afternoon. Mo’s is not to be confused with Moe’s in Springfield, which is not in Springfield Oregon but in Springfield Pennsylvania.

Lane County Oregon is a beautiful place, with forested parks, endless bike paths, and if you’re allergic to mold, grass, or tree pollen make sure to bring your eye drops and extra strength Claritin; you’re guaranteed to be a very miserable visitor if you have allergies. Linn County -just north of Lane County- is the grass seed capital of the world and the wind likes to blow all of that grass pollen south.

Winters and summers are mild, no tornados, or hurricanes. The Cascade Mountains are active volcanoes so they do blow every few hundred years; Mt. Saint Helens 150 miles north of Eugene blew its top off in 1980, I was in the Air Force and stationed in Germany at the time, so I didn’t get to see the show. I was too busy keeping the commies on their side of the wall.

So please come and visit Lane County, bring lots of cash to spend because we need it. And bring bills larger than ones, I know those clubs in Springfield are calling out to you but the rest of us have to eat too!